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I have two teen-aged daughters, so it was with some interest that I read a recent post entitled “Application to Date My Daughter”. You need a better plan than these low-level intimidation techniques. So let’s talk frankly about what you need to do to guard her interests when it comes to dating. Build it so high that only the strongest of suitors can scale it. In Song of Solomon 8:8-9 we hear a family’s hope that their young sister will grow into a woman of strength and dignity. I’m amazed and saddened at how often I hear young single guys say of bright, gifted single women, “Wow, she’s so strong I don’t think I could lead her.” At which point, too many bright, gifted single women begin to consider ways to “tone themselves down” or “soften themselves a bit”.It was pretty funny, playing on the idea of the stereotypical shotgun-toting father and the mortified daughter as they negotiate the tricky terrain of a first date. Instead of brandishing a shotgun or breaking out an application, you need to build a wall. But don’t wait until your baby girl is a teenager, Bro – start now. Can you guess what metaphor they use to describe that kind of woman? Their sister assures them in verse 10 that she is indeed a wall, complete with towers. Raise a strong daughter, even if – no, especially if it means potential suitors question whether they can “lead her”, whatever that means to them.

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So I thought I’d write a little something to anyone who is considering going to the drive-in and the ice cream stand – or maybe the roller rink and soda shop? Look, we both know what I was implying, and I apologize. Why would I threaten someone who just wants to get to know my son better and maybe – just maybe – could end up being a member of my family? And if doing so is a parent’s go-to strategy, that parent is more dangerous than the teenager. If anything goes wrong, I’ll probably just want to talk to you, and maybe your parents.

Dear Son’s Potential Future Date, First things first, my name is Dad and Buried, and I’m your potential future date’s father.

That’s cray-cray, and not a good way to start a relationship! This is civilized society, not Walmart on Black Friday.

Yes, I obviously have my son’s best interests at heart and don’t want him to get hurt or to be taken advantage of, but that doesn’t mean I should be aggressively warning people – children, no less! Seriously, my kid is a really nice person, and if I do my job correctly, he’ll remain one.

Those are the bricks that build the wall that withstands the advances of old Slouchy-Pants, whether you ever show up with your Winchester locked and loaded or not.