If you have nothing in common the relationship probably has a short shelf life. There are probably lots of people out there who share nearly all my interests that I’d think are barking assholes. They shape their world to fit the emotional, spiritual and physical connection instead of robotically sorting themselves according to somebody else’s preconceived generic categories. He realizes how much he likes watching movies with her, even movies he wouldn’t have been caught dead watching before. I have no doubt in my mind that dozens of women who might like me a great deal if they knew me have zipped past my profile without a second thought.
Some of the most compelling women I have ever met, on the other hand, had very little in common with me…first. She’s never had any interest in going to New Mexico until she spends a weekend in Taos with him but now she can’t wait to go back. If I sound narcissistic or self-indulgent here, stick with me for a second, because this is a sword that cuts both ways. Here’s how the story on the Finkel study concludes: The abundance of profiles online also may make daters too picky and judgmental, the authors say.
I don’t smoke, but don’t mind if you do…Well, message me if you want to go out.” Messages like this are not only boring (if she wants to know about you she’ll either click on your profile or, even better, ask you), but they give no indication of why you want to go out with her. Try something like this instead: “Whoa, you studied abroad in Ghana? Once she laughs, she lets her guard-down a little, she thinks you’re funny, and probably smart. Did you ask her a question, did you set-up a joke she could build on?
Not that you have to turn into Seth Rogen all of the sudden, but in general, on the internet, humor is far less abrasive than, say, ardent fervor.
I’ve read your profile, and I think you sound nice…” …is way less engaging than this: “What!! Especially online, when women maybe a little more on-guard, opening with a comment on their physical appearance runs the risk of seeming shallow and off-putting.